Category Archives: Standardly Lame
MB4LILY – Inaugural Rebirth!
Yes, yes, my loyal and ardent fans have almost given up on me, their uber-blogger. But I’m back! And I’m back, thanks to a guy down in the OC who’s proving to me that the OC makes LA look like chump change – at least in regards to the only metric that counts: B4B playtz!
So, Lily, you get picked on for more than just your gleaming, massive, BP-sucking road macheen. No, not your cash-cred Fletcher Jones, or even the fact that this is no lowly Vegas FJ outlet, but the Newport bastion of status. It’s just that, as unluck would have it, a pic of your self-and-car obsession landed in my inbox this morning under the title “Flower Power” and, well, the temptation was to great, because the contrast was too distinct between the 60s ideal and your 2010 reality.
You can probably cling to a little Janis Joplin here to explain your actions, but really, when did anyone really take her seriously?
Let’s all just hope that this whole deal was a guilt payment from your married, bald boyfriend, OK?
GEOS JAG – Shiny, Happy, Jaguar!
Judge Advocate General? Is that you? OHHHHHH, you’re just pointing out that the shiny, bling car you’re driving in a Jaguar – as in, a Jag-u-ar, right?
OK, George, I’m curious (nice?), where did you find that 49 cent license plate frame? Was that free with a premium, full-service fill-up? Classy!
LZR BIMR – Now we’re talkin’!
Elizabeth, is it? Eliza, perhaps?
You’ve fallen into the trap. Sorry.
Been looking for BIMRs for a while now, but all I seem to find are BNZs and some PTs sprinkled in. But I knew that the egotistic BIMR driver had to be out there somwhere. And then I found you, LZR.
You probably thought that the rhythmic sound of LZR BIMR would somehow obscure that fact that you couldn’t be prouder of your BIMR. Guess what? Conspicuous consumption is history, dear.
PT4WLLY – Shine that with your Johnson?
It’s redneck week here at BNZ4BOZO (I know, pretty classy of me, right?).
WLLY, you and your touring edition, Coca-Cola Cruiser are almost too cherry-red for words. Almost. I’ll give it a shot.
WLLY, where in all of San Bernardino did you find that stylin, studly fake spare housing? And, complete with Chrysler logo? Yes, that may become a collectors item, a reference to a time of lameness.
WLLY, did the add-ons for the car cost more than the car itself?
WLLY, do you smile and chuckle every time you see your ride?
MB4JL – Big Old ‘Tard
This car is just so dated, it’s like it exemplifies the ’80s Wall Street greed era. OK, so it debuted in 1991, but it still looks very Gordon Gecko / Bonfire of the Vanities to me. It said, “I’m big, and I’m money.” Except it now says, “I’m driving a car that’s older than the girls I’d like to date.”
OK, JL, go and find yourself some barely-legal action. That’s probably all you’re fooling in this big old boat.
Props for the Beverly Hills license plate frame, though. I’ll bet you had some scary minutes heisting that off someone’s newer ride.
FIT4ADJ – Work with me here, ADJ
OK – let’s look at some of the options here.
You’ve got MYFIT – works a couple of ways.
You’ve got IMFIT – even hits that “IM” note.
There’s FIT4LIFE – tons of wellness crap online in that vein. Or, better yet, FIT4LYF – one of my fave alt spellings.
You could try INFIT, since you’re, you know, in the . . .
But, you were just begging for a spot on the Bozo site, weren’t you? You went with the classic and lame, FIT4ADJ.
Be creative people!
TATAS Q7 – Blah, Blah, Blah
I apologize, dear readers: another uninspired plate.
Does it seem like those with the most money have the least taste? Did this odd truck look good before the plate? And does the plate help at all?
Does the name Tata conjure up images of some old jowly grandma, schlepping her grandkids to playdates?
Does AUDIDOWNTOWNLA cringe each time she pulls this beast into the dealership?
And, Audi, Q7? Really? Did someone from Infiniti help you with that name?
MBZ4CRC – Another Benz in the Crowd
You know those strange two door small Benzes that aren’t really sporty? CRC knows what I’m talking about, right? But it’s a Benz now, ain’t it? So it qualifies for some sizzle. Or maybe Sizzlean.
IS CHRGR – Left Lane, Baby!
We can see from your position on the road, that you’re really CHRGNG there, I. Only question is, who is I? Izzy? Isadore? Ira? No. Ira doesn’t drive a Charger. Maybe Ishmael? Methinks, it’s Ike!